I am getting less and less funny every week. I think I need to start doing drugs again or maybe get a massage to de-stress . . .
Oh! Hello there, Kind Readers.
So glad you could join us. I have been a bit remiss in my advice doling duties. Last week I had some trouble with shampoo, my beloved grandmother had surgery, and I almost needed a new Poolboy.
Thankfully, the shampoo is less sudsy, my Gram is healing, and the Poolboy is (hopefully) back skimming my algae. (You know what they say–both love and algae bloom eternal.)
Now on to your questions!
Dear Robert,
I just found out recently that I was un-friended by my old bf on Facebook. I still see him and talk to him regularly. Do I confront him on it or do I just stew in my own juices?
-Friendless on Facebook
Dear FonF,
It seems to me that you were lucky to get rid of this one. It would be one thing if you no longer spoke and he unfriended you without notice–that’s just the way of the world now a days–but this un-friending while still being friends? Bizarre.
There could only be a few reasons for his behavior.
Perhaps he picked up some new chickie, and is much too embarrassed for you to see her posting pictures of them together at a Tiger’s game.
Or maybe he isn’t actually your friend at all. When you see him ‘regularly’ does he grimace and politely converse while waiting for any excuse to leave? Do you see him sneaking away from you at parties where you show up?
I fear he may be a PP (and by that I mean a Polite Pussy.) He wants you out of his life, but is just too much of a wuss to let you know in person. Sadly, there are a great many of PPs around and sometimes are hard to distinguish from regular people.
The last option is he could have un-friended you by mistake.
So, he is either dating a floozy, hates you, or is technologically impaired.
Whatever it may be, cut your losses and be glad you have one less Farmville to ignore.
Dear Robert,
My dick is too big. What should I do?
-Large in Lincoln Park
Dear Large,
Call me. I’m sure I can get you in, um, touch with the proper people.
Dear Robert,
I am an advice columnist for one of the finest websites in Detroit. I am also relatively attractive, somewhat funny, have a cast iron liver, and an almost decent amount of hair. I only have one problem: I don’t receive enough questions from my kind readers. Help!!!
-Have Answers Need Questions
Dear Answers,
Boy, you sure sound like a hell of a fella! Alas, this is one I can’t help you with. But our readers can! Please send your questions to LateNiteRobert@yahoo.com, Leave a name if you’d like and your problems will soon be solved!
That’s all for today! See you at Café D’Mongo’s!